Master Dale's Lifestyle Community Bulletin Board: Time To Move On - Master Dale's Lifestyle Community Bulletin Board

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Time To Move On

#1 User is offline   tiamet Icon

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Posted 13 August 2008 - 03:45 PM

For years I have been dedicated to and fed by helping newbies. I made sure to circulate in venues where I would run into them, to be visible and welcoming, and to take one on one time with as many of them as possible. I have also preached to everyone in my sphere of influence about the importance of taking care of our newbies.

Lately the role of greeter and protector does not feed me, and sometimes even makes me resentful. This is not always true. Some people just stand out, they have a "spark", and they are a joy to watch grow. But those individuals are few and far between, and exposure to the mass of people who will never achieve any sort of enlightenment wears on my soul.

When I started mentoring newbies it helped me a lot. Teaching brought me greater understanding, forced me to examine myself, brought new insights. Now I just sound like a broken record, replaying messages on autopilot. I have hashed these issues to death, there is no more room for contemplation or growth in these areas for me.

I have noticed that many of the most experienced people in our community withdraw into very close circles of family and friends. They organize and they teach, but they aren't readily accessible to those who don't take the time and energy to seek them out and earn their time. They are still willing to mentor, but they take on people who have already done their groundwork instead of newbies. Their focus is on turning those people into the next generation of leaders and teachers, and that is a very important service.

There was a time where I thought these individuals did us a great disservice by not being available to the masses. Now I watch others who are "growing up" hit that stage where they are angry at their elders' reclusivity. I have sat through the patient explanations, given with a resigned air of acceptance by individuals who knew I wouldn't get it. Now that I am a bit older I watch other up and coming individuals receive these same speeches, and I feel for both sides. I know what it is like to be that hungry frustrated youngster. I am also beginning to understand what it feels like to need to protect myself against being spread too thin and against not receiving what I need in the exchange.

I am beginning to think that it is time to pass on the Newbie Protector torch and start serving the community in other ways. Providing service to our community elders while soaking up their knowledge feeds me. Engaging in the intense multi-year process of raising up others who can follow in my shoes really feeds me. Watching the members of my house move into their own mentorship and community service roles is one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had. Organizing intimate gatherings that are the antithesis of the public events fills me up with enough energy to last for months. Participating in the spiritual BDSM community and helping others find that part of themselves is an incredible experience. If everyone focuses on the newbies and no one grows our emerging leaders, the next generation will get stuck re-inventing the wheel. These things feed me, and these things are needed, so this is the path I should follow.

Still, there is guilt. I compare trying to save all the clueless newbies in the world to trying to find homes for all the kittens born every spring. Its a hopeless and never ending quest. I've always known that, but still felt that I should stand against the tide and do what I could. As I begin to withdraw into a different part of the community and focus on serving a different segment of its population, I feel like I am abandoning people that others may not be there to catch.

All of this is part of the reason why I am starting to compile all of my memorized newbie mentoring soundbites into a book. I feel like it will provide me with closure. Its much more of a selfish act than it appears on the surface.

I cannot move forward if I will not let go. Still, this is hard.
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Posted 13 August 2008 - 08:22 PM

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They are still willing to mentor, but they take on people who have already done their groundwork instead of newbies. Their focus is on turning those people into the next generation of leaders and teachers, and that is a very important service.


Yes, it really is, and worthy of your efforts if that is where your path leads you. I think it is human nature to resist change, but it sounds like the need to grow and evolve is pressing on you, Tia. It is not bad. It is not wrong. So don't let the guilt step in. If that direction proves to be unfilling, you can always change it and go in a different one.

I know for me, it is important to do some retreat time into those private circles that you mentioned. There are rarely newbies there, and when there are, I dont usually give them the kind of attention I do here. It is my time. It is where I get my spiritual uplift, my sophisticated play, and my quality time with like-minded friends. I feel that I can do my newbie time and get the kind of things you were describing. But I can see where other people may not be able to mix things up as easily as I do.

I have every confidence that whatever you choose, Tia, you will excel in it. Just have faith in yourself.

M. Dale
Be careful of what you wish for....Posted Image ....you just might get it.
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Posted 13 August 2008 - 08:36 PM

You mentioned that you're able to move in those more closed circles to get what you need while also continuing to help those new to the lifestyle. That made me feel a bit better. My primary focus may not be on the new folks anymore, but I will always be a member of this board and there will always be some who cross my path in the real world. You reminded me that its not so black and white, and that makes things easier.
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