Master Dale's Lifestyle Community Bulletin Board: My Experience as a Domme with a masochistic streak - Master Dale's Lifestyle Community Bulletin Board

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My Experience as a Domme with a masochistic streak

#1 User is offline   Victoria Icon

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Posted 13 February 2007 - 12:28 PM

Though I've explored a lot, starting out as submissive, then a switch and now a Domme. I find that I have a masochistic streak that surfaces rarely without the desire to submit. I have a stingy toy and use it on use it on myself once in awhile. My sadistic drive is much stronger. I both top myself and get the adreniline feelings of topping and also delight in the voluptiousness of the sensation. I kid my partner and say maybe when I'm 90 years old I will switch once in the bedroom only. LOL!
Victoria,
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#2 User is offline   ONEEOD Icon

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Posted 13 February 2007 - 07:10 PM

View PostVictoria, on Feb 13 2007, 12:28 PM, said:

I kid my partner and say maybe when I'm 90 years old I will switch once in the bedroom only. LOL!


My only question is if you beat yourself in the bedroom does that make you bi?
"Seek and ye shall find"
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#3 User is offline   Victoria Icon

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Post icon  Posted 14 February 2007 - 02:24 AM

My only question is if you beat yourself in the bedroom does that make you bi?
[/quote]
LOL!
Victoria,
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#4 User is offline   Victoria Icon

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  • Interests:spiritual practice in a down to earth way. Life in the slow lane being present with the beauty around me. I love birds. I especially love seeing them uncaged and free. Music. Playfulness. Enjoying BDSM and being able to discuss it with other kinky people. My 27 year BDSM relationship, Terry's Mistress and loving it.

Posted 15 February 2007 - 09:01 AM

To all,
Since I am not actively a switch now I probably should not have posted in this section. I have a bizzare sense of humor sometimes and I hope no one took anything I said wrong. What I really meant to say was I understand feelings and have experience on both sides of the whip. Have a nice Valentine's Day:)
Victoria,
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#5 User is offline   SMF Icon

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 09:36 AM

I also am dominant with a masochistic streak - a very deep one as it turns out. While I'm dominant most of the time, nearly all of the time, I have submitted/bottomed on a few occasions and surprised myself to no end. I didn't expect to like/want severe pain - but I have and still do - so much so that its honestly scared me somewhat. Its been a subject of much thought lately.

Aside from directly fulfilling my needs its also helped me to be a better top - to have a more acute awareness of perspective from the bottom's viewpoint. Particularly in making sure that the little things that can degrade a scene don't happen - too tight cuffs, other circulation cutoff problems, muscle fatigue, being too cold or too hot.....

Its also solidified my opinion on safe-words - basically my view is that its one thing to give up the ability to control the activity - meaning that if I don't like something that's being done that doesn't mean that you should stop; another thing to give up the ability to call out if there is a problem or real injury that I won't do nor do I think anyone should.

It sometimes seems to me as if the scene is hostile to anyone who switches - it certainly makes some people uncomfortable. I suspect it come out of the 'one true way' fallacy that seems to be prevalent in the scene. They tend to look at everything through the lens of what they do and won't do which makes them uncomfortable with a different way. I would argue that just because I do or think something does not make it right/wrong/good/bad... its simply what I do. I would also argue that my enjoyment of what I do shouldn't be taken as anything other than that.
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#6 User is offline   MasterDale Icon

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 04:50 PM

Quote

....its simply what I do. I would also argue that my enjoyment of what I do shouldn't be taken as anything other than that.


I think that cuts it right to the bone, SMF.

I have said it several times, and in several ways on the Board....like many people, I am composed of elements of Dominant AND elements of sub or masochist or whatever labels you like to use to define such things. My personality is Dominant. I get great pleasure and gratification from acting in a Dominant way. But I am very much in touch with my inner stuff. And I realize that at least some of the Dominant pleasures I get are really vicarious thrills gleaned from the experiences I am giving to others. A rarely feel the need to indulge my masochism/submission directly. But once in a while it happens. I call it "taking a vacation". Like any vacation, it is used to give me a break, allow me to relax and release, and to expose me to things that are not my normal routine. And after the "vacation" I go right back to my regular life...hopefully a bit rejuvenated and fuller for the experience. I dont think I am ever not a Dom. The very few who have topped me will attest to that *chuckles* Still, that doesn't mean I dont need or enjoy other activites on rare occasions. I make no excuses for it, and simply tell everyone that I am what I am.

M. Dale
Be careful of what you wish for....Posted Image ....you just might get it.
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#7 User is offline   SMF Icon

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Posted 07 October 2008 - 09:53 AM

Masterdale's statement that he's always dominant, even while submitting, got me thinking about how I looked at it. My dominance seems to shut off or quiesce while I'm bottoming and submitting, especially in relationship to any possible activities or whats being planned.
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#8 User is offline   lovely1 Icon

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Posted 08 October 2008 - 05:37 PM

I think there's a difference (not to get all semantic-y here, but...) between "always being dominant" and "always being A Dominant".

I've mentioned elsewhere that I sometimes "top" my Dom. As we've grown into this, I take more and more control of the scene, and I'm learning to relish certain aspects of dominance. (Not to mention that I can try out things I'd like tried on me, as a suggestion :P) I am "dominant" in those scenes, but I am *never* the Dominant. I'm still his sub, I'm just serving him in a different way. Taking him on vacation, if you will. :)

I can't really describe the power flow. It's kind of a circuit, I suppose, with me "taking" the power during the scene (primaraliy physically, through sensations, pain, and bondage, but also mentally, as (surprise surprise!) I tend to talk a lot during the scene and there is a power dynamic there. But I then return the power to him, still in the scene, because I am serving him and doing it out of love and devotion, and my underlying enjoyment of it comes from pleasing him.

I'd never say that I'm not being a submissive during those times, even when telling him I'm displeased with his reaction to the wax or whatever. I'm certainly topping, but I'm not Dominating in what I would consider a meaningful way--he is, even if it's not "active".
"They all crossed into forbidden territory. They all tampered with the laws that lay down who should be loved, and how. And how much." --Arundhati Roy
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Posted 04 March 2009 - 05:16 PM

It's so subjective. I really feel that there's a little bit of both in everybody -- even in folks who insist they are either one or the other. This is especially true when there is real, genuine love involved. Like Lovely said, the ultimate pleasure comes from pleasing the other person.
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#10 User is offline   tiamet Icon

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 11:15 AM

I started off as an extremely masochistic slave and then switched to being a Dominant. I still greatly enjoy bottoming on occasion, and can do so without bottoming from the top as long as I know the person well and we negotiate thoroughly. I cannot handle scenes that involve psychological components of D/s.

Finding people who can understand this fine line and who I really trust has not been easy. But I have found a few, and they can give me what I need in a very safe/sacred space.
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