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looking back Seeing it differently now

#1 User is offline   shadowwolf Icon

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Posted 02 November 2008 - 12:36 AM

I have talk with many in the lifestyle and have come across a select few willing to look back in time and fully elaborate on any one thing that they wish they could do differently . That one major direction changing decision that put you or someone you know on the wrong path . That one decision that you regret making and for what reason ? That one decision that may have been viewed as right for the moment but turned out to do more harm than good. A few months ago I made a decision that I thought was best. Looking back on the situation I am not so sure the action that I took was the best one . I made a rushed judgement about an individual that kept me at arms length from this individual for a long time and recently having interacted with this individual on a few occasions I have found that the things I based that decision on were not 100% accurate. Though we differ on individual philosophy regarding some things, overall this persons insight and opinions are well worth listening to . So in trying to distance myself from this person what I actually did was deny myself a voice that could add something.
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#2 User is offline   MasterDale Icon

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Posted 02 November 2008 - 06:27 PM

I hear you, Shadowwolf. Yet, even though you initially denied yourself that voice, you are listening to it now. There is an order to things...a purpose that is often hidden by our inability to perceive the bigger picture. I am sure that you were not supposed to hear that message so soon. Maybe it was necessary for you to go through some things before you were really open and receptive to it.

I am trying to think of mistakes or wrong turns I have made. But I think that I am where I am supposed to be...and that ultimately all roads would have brought me here eventually. There were lessons I needed to learn the hard way or I would never have taken them to heart. Most of us are stubborn, closed, and creatures of habit. We need to be softened up to even be able to hear a new message. I dont intend to demean anyone's belief system, but the first example of this that comes to mind is how in the Bible, they talk about Moses leading the Jews through the desert for 40 years.....the allegorical reference being to the people of Isreal being purified by their time there so they could accept the word of God and be delivered to the promised land. A more contemporary expression is "trial by fire". We often need to be stressed, cleansed, or otherwise put outside of our normal existence in order to be receptive to new thoughts and give them a chance at taking hold in our lives. And it is with that belief that I say we dont need to regret our choices, but take what we can from them and move forward wiser, and as better people.

M. Dale
Be careful of what you wish for....Posted Image ....you just might get it.
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#3 User is offline   shadowwolf Icon

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Posted 04 November 2008 - 05:09 PM

Yes Dale I definitely agree with your view ....As a Dominant I find no weakness in making a wrong turn or wrong judgement so I have not reservations about speaking of them. Though I have heard Dominants say that they never make mistakes and/or they are never wrong..But We both know how that goes..statements like that have an opposite effect .
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#4 User is offline   MasterDale Icon

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Posted 04 November 2008 - 08:13 PM

*lol* IMHO, someone making a statement "that they never make mistakes and/or they are never wrong" proves they are starting off wrong and have nowhere to go but downhill. They may not belive that. But I have seen this enough to think so.

There are always exceptions, I'm sure....Dominants who are so tightly wrapped and so fastidious about every action that they truly don't make mistakes. Of course, they live in a narrow range, rarely take risks, and demand the world comes to them on their terms because leaving there tight little sphere of control threatens their perfection. I once lived my life wrapped that tightly. I dont like that much stress any more. And it is lonely. I will accept my mistakes, the consequences of them, and any forgiveness that is forthcoming afterwards. And I will have a whole lot more people in my life than the Dom/mes who have to spend all of their time trying to be perfect.

M. Dale
Be careful of what you wish for....Posted Image ....you just might get it.
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#5 User is offline   SMF Icon

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Posted 05 November 2008 - 11:03 AM

I've certainly made enough mistakes over the years, including some bad judgment calls. I accept the consequences of those decisions and try to not repeat the mistake and try to learn from the experience. Some I made out of fear that I wouldn't be accepted, or that I wasn't good enough...those are probably the only ones I regret.

At one time I was horribly risk adverse and, as MasterDale suggests, its a uncomfortable tight and narrow existence. I think my life improved dramatically when I became more willing to take some risk. Admittedly, (to paraphrase Robert E. Lee) by taking risks made mistakes which got me experience. With experience I was able to get better results, or at least fewer bad results, and was happier.

Along with Shadowwolf I find no weakness in making a mistake. More than that I think my dominance most strongly asserts itself when I need to deal with the consequences of a mistake. That I can accept them, own up to them, make amends where needed, and learn enough not to repeat them.
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#6 User is offline   shadowwolf Icon

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Posted 05 November 2008 - 05:20 PM

Dale.....I am smiling hard right now.......you......"WRAPPED TIGHT"....lol
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#7 User is offline   lovely1 Icon

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Posted 12 November 2008 - 04:56 PM

I think there's only one thing in my past I would change if I could--it involved a married man (and not in a healthy, his-wife-agreed way). I didn't learn anything from that that I didn't already know...except that I sometimes have to learn things I already know the hard way. :P

But I've made several mistakes and suffered many misfortunes. It's trite but true--they've all helped shape me into who I am today. I'm very happy with who I am, and while I may have done a few things differently (e.g. not gone to work on the day a co-worker gave me a nasty flu virus), I wouldn't make any drastic changes, except perhaps the above.

It's a journey, and all that. :)
"They all crossed into forbidden territory. They all tampered with the laws that lay down who should be loved, and how. And how much." --Arundhati Roy
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