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Collars in hospitals

#1 User is offline   lil.red.ridinghood Icon

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 09:52 AM

Hi F/folks,
Yesterday I made a blog entry about wearing a collar in the hospital. I'm linking it here because I'm happy to have conversations about any aspect of this story. I'd love to read other people's experiences too.
Thanks,
Red
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#2 User is offline   MasterDale Icon

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 02:50 PM

What a gift it is....to have a well of emotional support to empty yourself into when you can..to draw from when you are dry...to sustain you in good times and bad. Whatever form that well takes, and however we choose to symbolize it, it is a blessing to have it.

I am so glad you had your's, Red.

M. Dale
Be careful of what you wish for....Posted Image ....you just might get it.
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#3 User is offline   lil.red.ridinghood Icon

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 03:00 PM

View PostMasterDale, on Oct 12 2008, 12:50 PM, said:

I am so glad you had your's, Red.


And the best part:
Max's collar was only a small portion of all the support I had. I truly am spoiled. :fallenangel:
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#4 User is offline   MistressLydia Icon

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 08:56 PM

Wonderful post, red.

Hope you are doing well. Sending you good energy.

MUAH
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#5 User is offline   Cerns_slave_kaz Icon

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 04:55 PM

Wonderful post!

I had a similar eperiance a few months ago. i only wished that all hospitals where as understanding as yours!

I always wear Master's Collar, and usually have no questions, or some discreet enquiries. This night i was rushed into hospital with tachycardia, high temp, breathlessness, coughing, headaches and vommiting (I have graves disease, an auto immunte disease). Masters collar is a steel locking Turian collar, which uses an etreemly small alan key. Master was told i was to be admitted and finally late at night He took the kids home. His collar was a constant reminder that although i wasn't with Him, i was His, He loved and cared for me. missed me, was thinking of me, and that His strength was with me.
Whilst i was being moved the nurse asked what was round my neck. I told her it was a symbol of my relationship with my husband. She gave me a very weird look, and continued with what seemed to myself, being very ill etc, was relentlass questions. Finally i told her i was a submissive and it was also a symbol of that, and it was locked! She looked shocked and when she left me in my room went to talk to the night sister nurse. The next thing i knew i was woken up by the Sister, with a janitor with a tool box! They asked me for the key and said it should be removed. I told them i didn't have the alan key, (Master had been told i wouldn't need surgery, so He hadn't left they key) and she said the janitor had alan keys and if one didn't fit, offered to cut it off! I refused, told them to get out and leave me alone. After more pressure I threatened to complain! so they finally left and as soon as i felt better the next day i insisted i went home.

i don't regret what i told them, although BDSM is not understood in most communities, the way Master and i where judged that night was shocking, But where where not doing anything illigal and they had no proof we ever had. They let their predjuducies rule, and it was wrong! if a muslim woman came in would they insist her headdress be removed if there was no medical reason to do so? I know they wouldn't.

Again as i said, i wish all hospitals where as wonderful as yours and one day i hope to have a similar experiance, one of not beeing judged.

Your story has gave me hope for the future and reinforced that not all people are as judgmental as those nurses that night.

Thankyou with all my heart. :)

kaz
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#6 User is offline   lil.red.ridinghood Icon

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Posted 13 October 2008 - 05:33 PM

Oh kaz,
That is one yucky story of misunderstanding and prejudice. Living in the liberal emerald city I forget too quickly the struggles other people and communities have. It sounds like the nurses thought they were saving you from abuse. Sometimes all people need is a little more education and awareness. I think I avoided much of that struggle because I had so many different people moving through my room all showing such love and care for my well being and none of them phased by the chain around my neck.
*hugs*
Thank you for reminding me that our community educators still have a long way to go,
Red
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#7 User is offline   -cheyenne- Icon

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Posted 14 October 2008 - 05:42 AM

Kaz I have a similar collar if not the same one. My coworkers know it lock on and that Master has the key. They've never asked beyond that and often get compliments on it. I'm sorry about your experience, that is so icky! Good for you though on keeping it on!

Red I commented on your page. What I said was that I can relate to how your collar made you feel. Mine does the same for me whether with him or apart. Sometimes I need to feel it around my neck even more when we are apart. It makes me feel more at ease. Some people even within my community don't seem to understand this and from my perspective put me down for needing it. Although it used to bother me, now I ignore them. I know that the collar itself does not make me his slave, but it is a symbol for me and a little piece of "us" that I keep with me.

You're in my thoughts.....feel better soon!

And like I said in my post on your page...it makes me happy that you are surrounded by so much love.

cheyenne
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#8 User is offline   MistressLydia Icon

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Posted 14 October 2008 - 10:26 AM

Wow Kaz,

I am soooo sorry you had to go through that! Its sad how judgmental and intolerant people can be. Well, I'm sure your Master is proud that you stood up for your relationship.

Stay strong




View PostCerns_slave_kaz, on Oct 13 2008, 05:55 PM, said:

Wonderful post!

I had a similar eperiance a few months ago. i only wished that all hospitals where as understanding as yours!

I always wear Master's Collar, and usually have no questions, or some discreet enquiries. This night i was rushed into hospital with tachycardia, high temp, breathlessness, coughing, headaches and vommiting (I have graves disease, an auto immunte disease). Masters collar is a steel locking Turian collar, which uses an etreemly small alan key. Master was told i was to be admitted and finally late at night He took the kids home. His collar was a constant reminder that although i wasn't with Him, i was His, He loved and cared for me. missed me, was thinking of me, and that His strength was with me.
Whilst i was being moved the nurse asked what was round my neck. I told her it was a symbol of my relationship with my husband. She gave me a very weird look, and continued with what seemed to myself, being very ill etc, was relentlass questions. Finally i told her i was a submissive and it was also a symbol of that, and it was locked! She looked shocked and when she left me in my room went to talk to the night sister nurse. The next thing i knew i was woken up by the Sister, with a janitor with a tool box! They asked me for the key and said it should be removed. I told them i didn't have the alan key, (Master had been told i wouldn't need surgery, so He hadn't left they key) and she said the janitor had alan keys and if one didn't fit, offered to cut it off! I refused, told them to get out and leave me alone. After more pressure I threatened to complain! so they finally left and as soon as i felt better the next day i insisted i went home.

i don't regret what i told them, although BDSM is not understood in most communities, the way Master and i where judged that night was shocking, But where where not doing anything illigal and they had no proof we ever had. They let their predjuducies rule, and it was wrong! if a muslim woman came in would they insist her headdress be removed if there was no medical reason to do so? I know they wouldn't.

Again as i said, i wish all hospitals where as wonderful as yours and one day i hope to have a similar experiance, one of not beeing judged.

Your story has gave me hope for the future and reinforced that not all people are as judgmental as those nurses that night.

Thankyou with all my heart. :)

kaz

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#9 User is offline   ONEEOD Icon

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Posted 20 October 2008 - 04:51 AM

Now......a fly in the ointment.

While I want my rights and requests respected we also have to remember that hospital officials are there for our health and welfare. Sometimes their rules and protocols require them to "not give a rats ass" about things we consider sacred. You promised to NEVER remove the wedding band, but when faced with the finger falling off or cutting the band off they always opt for cutting the band off. Go figure.

My personal opinion is that while in the hospital, undergoing any kind of treatment, a locked collar could possibly stand in the way of someone saving your life and, if not removed entirely, should be made easily removable. Let's not become what we say they are.

Public service announcement over,
Bob
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#10 User is offline   lil.red.ridinghood Icon

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Posted 20 October 2008 - 02:43 PM

Thanks for making that point Bob,
Max certainly shares your opinion there. He left the key in my hospital room and part of the "changing of the guard" when one family member came to relieve another was making sure they knew where the key was kept. I overheard the conversation enough to know where the key was kept as well, but if they needed to remove the collar because I slipped unconscious, then my knowledge wasn't going to do anyone much good. Since there were only a few hours total when someone was not with me during my stay this made more sense than telling the constantly rotating and overworked nursing staff.
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Posted 21 October 2008 - 03:48 PM

Bob you're right in that aspect for sure. I think it is a very important point. And I was almost wondering if the nurses in Kaz's experience weren't just trying too do their jobs. I know the times I was in the hospital I couldn't have any jewelry on.

I hate to think they were just being mean.
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#12 User is offline   MistressLydia Icon

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Posted 23 October 2008 - 01:07 PM

Bob,

Excellent point!

"Let's not become what we say they are."

Hmm...got me thinking. Who knows if that Sister didn't have a family member who was abused by a controlling man. Vanillas who don't understand the lifestyle just see to pieces of fruit not an apple and an orange. She may have been acting in the best of intentions. (I always think of theat cliche when I say the word intentions...hmm)

Thank you for bringing up that point.

Plus, remembering that most many not understand or be aware of things common to the Lifestyle, and being able to (should you could to) calmly articulate your perspective in terms they may understand may help the community to eventually be lesson prejudiced.

Ciao
MLydia
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#13 User is offline   Cerns_slave_kaz Icon

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 07:59 PM

Bob thankyou for your reply, and I understand you completely.

In our hospital, you are allowed to where any jewellery you wish. Even wedding rings are allowed to be kept on during surgery so long as they are taped over. Whilst i had my ceaserean two years ago, i was allowed to keep my wedding ring AND my 'O' ring on (both taped of course).

When admitted in the instance i mentiond before, Master made certain he told the emergancy room how it could be removed (With a very tiny alan key) which they made sure the hospital janitors had. Master also made certain i wasn't going to have to have surgery before he left. Of course we had both given permission, and it was written in my records, that my collar could be removed in a life or death situation.

What got me so upset was the look of determination, the lack of respect, and the over all attitude of the Sister, she made certain all knew her distain of my collar and me and my lifestyle.

i'm not sure if i'm explaining this correctly, so please try to bare with me. i myself understand your reasoning about maybe a member of her family had been abused, i myself was abused by my ex for 10 years, and yes it gets me angry to see someone else going through it, but i would never talk to them the way i was spoken to in that hospital, i was made to feel small and dirty, that our lifestyle is totally wrong and sick. i know none of that is true but that's how that sister made me feel. i hate to say it about anyone but if she knew someone whom was being abused then she should have known never to speak to them like she spoke to me. i maybe a slave, but i'm no ones doormat, not even hers lol.

i hope i explained that ok, talking about some things doesn't come easy to me at times, but i wished to explain that her intent and feelings where made very clear. Whilst in hospital with both my youngest's births (both at the same hospital) the maternity department where very happy for me to keep my collar on and never pressured me, nor made me feel like that sister did.

kaz
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#14 User is offline   tiamet Icon

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Posted 16 December 2008 - 10:44 AM

Dear kaz;

I think the inappropriateness in your situation started with the first nurse who wouldn't take your very reasonable explanation that the collar was a "symbol of your relationship with your husband". She didn't need to know more, and she shouldn't have pried into the matter. It wasn't any of her business.

My boy has issues with avoiding confrontation and general passive-agressiveness. We have worked on it constantly and he has gotten a lot better over the years. Before I would let him wear his collar out in public I put him through months of role-playing drills where I asked him the kinds of questions that vanilla people overstepping their bounds might ask. It wasn't until he could consistently give polite, evasive, conversation ending responses to every prying question I could come up with that I let him wear it out.

When people ask, "Why are you wearing a lock?" he simply says, "I like it, I think it looks cool." If they ask if its locked he just says, "Yeah, but I have the key." This is true, since I make him carry a key in case of emergencies. If somebody asks, "Can I see it?" he just says, "No, I'd rather not take it off." He makes it a non-issue and changes the subject, and most people quickly lose interest.

If somebody presses him about it he turns the focus onto them by saying something along the lines of, "What's with you, why are you so interested in my jewelry?" Similarly, if somebody just marches up and asks "Are you wearing a collar?" (it has happened) he turns the question back on them, saying something like, "Why do you ask?" When the focus is turned back on them people with an honest interest in the lifestyle will usually explain themselves, and vanilla people will usually back down.

Similarly, when people ask prying questions about our relationship I've instructed him to simply answer, "You're asking very personal questions, and I don't know you that well. Let's change the subject."

At first it was very hard for him to downplay the importance of his collar. It is very important, sentimental, and symbolic to him. The analogy I used to finally make him see the light was "Don't cast your pearls before the swine." After many years in this lifestyle I have decided its best to play my cards close to my chest when I am in vanilla space. I don't feel like exposing myself or my boy to unnecessary prejudice, or laying my private life open to every curious passerby. There is no reason for anyone to know that his collar is anything more than fashion jewelry unless I choose to tell them.

I think the most screwed up thing about your situation is that the nurse hit you at a time when she knew you were vulnerable. You can't do a good job of defending yourself when you are sick and in the hospital. Her intentions were negative and she took advantage of you.
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Posted 20 December 2008 - 09:53 AM

Tiamet thank you for that post. I know it was meant for kaz but at the end when you said "its hard to downplay the importance of the collar" you hit a nerve in me. That is my problem and I'm sure difficult for others. I do not come out and say "its my collar, Master put it on me and I do not take it off" but I've certainly hinted and it has not always turned out for the best. Your comment turned a light bulb on immediately. At least I understand why I react the way I do, even though it probably should have been obvious. "Don't cast your pearls before the swine" gave me almost a renewed perspective. So thank you! chey
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