Master Dale's Lifestyle Community Bulletin Board: Headspace - Master Dale's Lifestyle Community Bulletin Board

Jump to content

Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

Headspace Mental Preparations

#1 User is offline   earth2 Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 265
  • Joined: 11-February 05
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:"My Little Town", Texas
  • Interests:Rope bondage, and outdoor activities

Posted 02 April 2006 - 06:39 PM

"Flogging" by Joseph W. Bean. I thought I was reading a technical study on the art. But, it is so much more. About the second chapter He talks about the space W/we all have in common. That is the space between our ears. In scene play I think it is called Headspace.

Yes, that mental preparation that gets us primed and ready to enjoy the thing we do in our happy place. Mr Bean tells Me that how O/one enters that headspace is an extremly individual matter. He suggests that some get there easily. others may "notice the process but don't have to do anything special to bring it about."

Still, others, just " Turn on sexually and are ready to go!" Yet others "think about geting into the right headspace." What is the right headspace?

All of this has pressured My newbie brain to action. What would I do when the time arrives and I needed to find that propper headspace? Where would I go to find it?

So I pose the general question: "How do others approach their prescene preparations? What puts you folks into that proper frame of mind to play? I hope to draw from the vast plane of expierence, that is, the Bulletin Board to get a good idea of how to bridge that gap.
Sin cerly,

Earth2
0

#2 User is offline   lass Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 46
  • Joined: 08-January 06
  • Location:I's e do bheatha

Posted 02 April 2006 - 10:23 PM

Great question and i'm looking forward to reading all the responses.


It's not the same trigger for me each and every time that i scene. Sometimes it's several phone calls or text messages several days before the event. Letting the anticipation and nerves build until i'm literally as tense as a spring. i find that my senses at this stage are very heightened and everything is just short of overload-physical, emotional and sensory. Pre-scene instructions also push me into this state-ie what to wear, how to greet the Dom etc. When i'm in this state i like to play very hard.

Other times it's as simple as the Dominant walking up to me, wrapping his hand in hair and asking "Ready to serve me slut?" i've dropped to my knees and let him do what he does so well! It was like beng pushed from a cliff-that sudden and that deep. About half-way through the "fall" i realize that i have the wings to fly. And soar (or sore! *g*) i do.

Stress at work will also get me in the mood to play. If it's been a bad shift or several of them in a row i find myself looking for a partner. One of my Doms is another paramedic and he is willing to oblige usually. i'm not sure which one of us enjoys stress play more *s*

A connection with a Dom also is a pre-scene thing for me. i have to like the person-not be "forever in love" but i do have to feel that "snap" when i submit. Not the physical "snap"(though i do crave that sometimes-the harder the better :paddle: ) but the energy flow that is going both ways. The energy flow is a critical thing for me and i return the energy to the Dom after making it mine. After all i am just borrowing it!


i'm sure there are other things so look for the post to be edited as soon as i think of them B)


Brightest blessings,
lass
0

#3 User is offline   Michael's jewel Icon

  • momma
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,491
  • Joined: 03-December 03
  • Location:NC
  • Interests:NCSF<br />NLA-I<br /><br />http://fetlife.com/users/122937

Posted 03 April 2006 - 12:06 PM

Hello, earth!

i agree with lass, this is a great topic and i too look forward to hearing from others. Mostly from tops, because of the subject starting with the art of flogging, i make the assumption that your questions are directed more to that side of the power exchange. But one of the best ways to learn about that one is to hear from the bottoms too and know what many things trigger off this mysterious state of mind known as headspace.


e2:

Quote

Still, others, just " Turn on sexually and are ready to go!" Yet others "think about geting into the right headspace." What is the right headspace?



This is a question that you and only you can answer for yourself. It is dependent on what *YOU* wish to take away from any power exchange play, aka scene. It will change with time and experience, it will change with your emotions and mindset. It really depends on what you, as the top, expects to receive from the session of play at that time.

And your next question of where will you find that when the time comes......that one you find within yourself. It comes with experience and builds to become merely yet another part of your being as your confidence builds. Yes, you can take and draw from others as you learn and observe and sort it all out. But ultimately, this one comes from within you.

e2:

Quote

So I pose the general question: "How do others approach their prescene preparations? What puts you folks into that proper frame of mind to play?


Speaking as a bottom and a bottom who has a life partner to one Man for over 25 yrs, i can reply easily....ritual and the level of protocals preset by Michael is what brings me to the proper frame of mind.

Without a lot of blahblahblah....this is done in so many ways...it can be when i kneel before Him as He locks my collar on before heading out of the house to a play party.

He puts me there in that headspace with the rules and protocols that He has set into place for different settings and situations. IE....at certain events, i must stand slightly to the right of Him and keep slightly behind at His heels. This seems simple enough, until you know me and the way that i butterfly through places.....lol...but having to keep this "rule" in mind keeps me completely in the headspace that He expects.

As for immediately prescene, this is again, rituals and certain ways of doing things. Sometime preparty, i wear my nipple clips. Trust me, after trying to socialise at an event, no matter how far i am from His presence, my head is there, with my achy throbbing nippies.

When He is setting up His scene space, taking out His toys, my being is connecting to Him with His every movement. He almost always puts on a blindfold. BINGO, yet another layer of the submission that He expects and in doing so, any layer of my head space.

During play, He has zeroed in on certain phrases that send me......or acts, one that comes to mind is when He draws a knife across the chains on my collar. Instant plunge a bit deeper!

These are examples of ways that He has learned to keep both of U/us in that place....that headspace.

i guess that this may help some.....if not, hollar and i will try again.
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

-Judy Garland

WNCPEX Discussion*Support*Connection
0

#4 User is offline   Michael Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Senior Member
  • Posts: 397
  • Joined: 21-October 04
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Asheville, NC

Posted 03 April 2006 - 05:52 PM

Earth2

I am no expert in the matter but I would like to comment on a couple of your questions/points. And I always seem to screw up the quote thing but I'll give it a go

Quote

" Turn on sexually and are ready to go!"


Only a comment here, headspace does not imply being turned on sexually. It can be but it can also be a deterent. For example, the first time I think I really achieved "domspace" was scening with someone other then Myjewel. For Me personally I feel two things got in the way previously 1. too much focus on technique and 2. too much sexual energy.

Until I became more competent in My own skills I had to think about what I was doing instead of just letting it flow. Now I am at a level (with most toys) that I do not have to think about what I am doing, err how I am doing/ going to do something. As for the 2nd part I think My was moving ahead to sex and was not staying in the present and just being.


Quote

What would I do when the time arrives and I needed to find that propper headspace? Where would I go to find it?


As lass and fern mentioned there can be some type of communication a word, a phrase, a touch even a look that helps set a mood. Those come with time with the other party. Personally I try to clear My mind almost like a mini meditation, to clear out the outside world, stresses and tension (physical and mental)

But that is preparing to scene, not finding the headspace. I don't think you go looking for it I think it comes looking for you. You just need to be in the right place to accept it and let it in. As I stated earlier I was not ready for that head space, but thankfully now I can accept it and embrace it.

I may be off on this next comment and would like to hear others, but I feel that it is easier for a bottom/sub/slave to reach that euphoric head space then for the Top/Dom/Master. Or it might just be Me. For the sub once they have the trust in the Dom they can let go, knowing that they are safe and free to fly. I think this is true even when you do a mindfuck and You have created some doubts into their little head trip. For the Dom, at least for Me, there is that part of the mind that must stay grounded. You have the control of the scene and the sub and therefore You have the responsibility also.


Good thread and I am looking to hear others.

Michael
When I'm sad, she comes to Me
with a thousand smiles she gives to Me free.
It's alright, she says it's alright,
take anything you want from me.
0

#5 User is offline   tiamet Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 626
  • Joined: 13-June 04
  • Location:SC

Posted 03 April 2006 - 08:43 PM

Oh yeah, I totally agree with you on Dom space being harder to reach then sub space.

As a Dom you have everything BUT yourself to concentrate on. Until the external processing becomes second nature, in a way you can be cut off from yourself when topping. You are busy focussing on what you are supposed to be instead of what you are.

I think the hardest thing about reaching Dom space is that it requires you to deeply trust yourself...one of the hardest trusts to achieve in this lifetime.
0

#6 User is offline   Michael's jewel Icon

  • momma
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 1,491
  • Joined: 03-December 03
  • Location:NC
  • Interests:NCSF<br />NLA-I<br /><br />http://fetlife.com/users/122937

Posted 04 April 2006 - 11:37 AM

YES! i have to agree with Michael and Tiamet! And yes, i may be just a tad biased with each of them...but i do have the easy part now. i am a creature of response and reaction.

Although i cannot ever say that unlearning the nature of myself was ever an easy process, in most places, i am reprogrammed so to speak...to where that nature of response flows easily. Once i mostly got rid of all the societal bs that i had learned.....

And this all has me thinking. This well may be why i totally suck at topping. LOL....i still seek that have my need for instruction and i still try to search for that interaction as a bottom. If it goes beyond a submissive seduction, i just cant seem to pull of that being in control part. :blink:

This takes the thread off in another direction totally....but...this is exactly why i have learned to have SO much respect for those who enjoy switching "roles". i have realised how difficult it is for the larger number of us to do that.......switch mindsets and forms of being ourselves. In O/our local group there is one woman who switches, often several times during the course of a night at a play party. That ability just wows me...over and over again.
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

-Judy Garland

WNCPEX Discussion*Support*Connection
0

#7 User is offline   Victoria Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 35
  • Joined: 17-October 06
  • Location:California
  • Interests:spiritual practice in a down to earth way. Life in the slow lane being present with the beauty around me. I love birds. I especially love seeing them uncaged and free. Music. Playfulness. Enjoying BDSM and being able to discuss it with other kinky people. My 27 year BDSM relationship, Terry's Mistress and loving it.

Posted 26 December 2006 - 02:42 AM

What puts me and my submissive in the mood to play? Being in the moment and asking if she wants to play. Because of her odd work hours and sleeping during the day by the time her work week is over and she is rested she is always ready to play.

As for the headspace putting on her collar gets her into sub space fast. I take my time getting ready to start the play and this is part of the excitement for her. I like to use music as well. Handy for living in apartment buildings:) I look at her deeply in the eyes, order her to lie face down on my bed use a crop as a buildup. I like to take my time here too. Soon I will see the dreamy look on her face that shows me she's in "sub space". From there we both enjoy the S/M sensations, me giving them and her receiving them.
I have some whips on a chair nearby and continue. What I use depends on where we both are in the moment. Usually some favorite one or a few. Intensity varies as I read her and know what works for both of us. It's not just about me. I like the power exchange between us. I like to trace the whip across her body as well in a snake like pattern. This is not for intensity. It's for sensuality.

I need to concentrate and stay grounded. It's important for me to be aware of how she is responding, the timing and all. Whipping can bring her to orgasms and be so satisfying for both of us, sometimes we are content to go no further and get ready to cuddle together in my bed. Other times we will go on to have sex and then cuddle.

My "top space" happens during the cuddling and/or sex. It isn't a dreamy floaty space (I was her submissive at another time in our relationship, so I know how that feels.) Instead I can be filled with joy and sometimes laugh from happiness, my cup runneth over. It is an ecstatic space.

All the best,
Victoria,
Dances with Whips...
0

#8 User is offline   ONEEOD Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 335
  • Joined: 11-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Staten Island, NY
  • Interests:Dom and Top Too (oh ya, that is another AOL screen name I have). Beaches at sunset, long walks, picnics, window shopping, dancing, racy romance novels and having my hair done. NOT!! I like tools, bottoms and reactions, not necessarily in that order.

Posted 26 December 2006 - 07:26 AM

I don't know why I didn't see this thread before but here goes..........

For me at home it's fairly easy, I light the wall candles and put on some "music to flog by" (I am partial to Enigma and Tangerine Dream, but almost anything that the bottom can't sing to will do). Having a private, separate dungeon already sets the mood by just entering the area. The music isn't really for the bottom, it's mostly for me to maintain some kind of cadence and to give me a time reference so I don't just keep flogging and whacking till the wee hours of the morning.

While away I try to bring some of that with me, by dimming the room lights and maybe getting some of my music played in the background (I carry travel copies of my favorite CD's in my toy bag). I use pretty "hands-on" toys and really don't have a problem with it being a little dark (though I do have to remember that some friends actually LIKE the light and DON'T LIKE the noise in the background).

Having a little piece of home along with me when I travel allows me to maintain enough of a comfort level that I don't have to think about my surroundings and can concentrate fully on the "victim" at hand.

Bob
"Seek and ye shall find"
0

#9 User is offline   earth2 Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 265
  • Joined: 11-February 05
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:&quot;My Little Town&quot;, Texas
  • Interests:Rope bondage, and outdoor activities

Posted 27 December 2006 - 05:25 AM

Thank you for the thoughtful and sincere responses. Since My original post, I have had opportunity to plan and experience more than one scene and some in public arena. Have discovered I really enjoy rope bondage, mixed with a bit of role play, and some sensation play.

The planning and delivery of safe responsible play is paramount in My mind and occupies the bulk of the scene experience for Me. Yet there is somthing I find difficult to explain about this. The conclusion of a scene is occupied with aftercare and the usual mopping up of implements. I will chat with My partner and
and relax for a bit to verify that she is doing O K, and the play was as good for her as it was for Me etc...
but the last few times I have noticed an unexpected change in Myself as well.

During one particular public scene that lasted about fifty or so minuets, aftercare consisted of the usual sit down and chat while others were finishing their activities. I caught Myself mesmerized at the rope play of a couple just across the way. Didn't think much of it, but a couple of hours later, after leaving the club, I had distinct feeling of "comming down ".

I hadn't noticed it before or during the scene, (probably cause I was pretty busy), but only after I had removed Myself from the immediate environment was this feeling noticeable. My thoughts were immediatly
drawn to thoughts of "this must be what top space feels like."

I work in an Operating Room, and similar sensations occur when we get a high profile trauma and for hours we are burnning high adernalin to save a life. The few hours afterwards is a cool down period that helps temper that experience, and brings one down to a more normal balance. I usually take about one to two hours to come down off that adrinaline rush, as we call it.

Although the afercare experience is not nearly as intense as the trauma scene I just described, but it was there just the same. Like when a generator shuts down and the electrict lights slowly dim. Only noticeable a short time afterwards. I couln't describe the trip up but I sure felt the ride down!

Is it safe to play with this type of sensation, or should I try to supress it? Am I the only one that has this type of thing? How should I manage it? Or does it need to be managed?

This doesn't happen everytime I scene, but definatly on all the more intense ones.

Much time is spent preparing and negotiating each scene and W/we will follow them as planned. Sometimes I will allow Myself to become creative and do somthing unscripted and it seems to enhance the play, but it can really get uncomfortable deviating from the script to much at this point. So situations like this can be handled with greater ease if the surprises are kept to a mnimum.

My appologies if this sounds to elementry but progressing down this path, I welcome any and all advise you learned companions could offer.
Sin cerly,

Earth2
0

#10 User is offline   Michael Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Senior Member
  • Posts: 397
  • Joined: 21-October 04
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Asheville, NC

Posted 27 December 2006 - 10:05 AM

hey earth,

sounds to me like you found that elusive Top space. once you find it the first time it is easier to get there on subsequent trips.

You asked some important questions.

Quote

Is it safe to play with this type of sensation, or should I try to supress it? Am I the only one that has this type of thing? How should I manage it? Or does it need to be managed?


I say recognize it and enjoy it but I do not feel there is any need to manage or suppress it. As you said there is a similiar rush and let down in the trauma center. Do you suppress it then? My guess would be you don't, and even that you use it as a tool to acheive your goal. Personally I do not feel it will get in the way of safety and it may even improve it and make for a better play scene for all involved.

I say enjoy the ride

Michael
When I'm sad, she comes to Me
with a thousand smiles she gives to Me free.
It's alright, she says it's alright,
take anything you want from me.
0

#11 User is offline   leilou Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Senior Member
  • Posts: 824
  • Joined: 29-November 03
  • Location:ON, Canada

Posted 27 December 2006 - 10:05 AM

I really liked this comment by lass:

Quote

About half-way through the "fall" i realize that i have the wings to fly. And soar (or sore! *g*) i do.

:)

I tend to go along the same lines as others, different strokes for different folks. For me, personally, environment and people in it are part of that driving force that puts me into one headspace or another. I am auditory so sounds, voices, tones, words all can add or take away from experience. For example: hearing a pop of the single tail followed by a soft exhales with a hint of that throaty groan opens me up and puts me at complete attention.

I?m flighty so for me, the idea of getting into headspace few days in advance is?well?unimaginable. I?m not sure if it has to do with my patience level, or some attention issue?LOL I?m more of a ?hit it fast and hard? kind of girl which snaps me into that euphoric state as I feel the heat spread into every nook and cranny that is me?like a blood stain. I?m not sure if this is a good thing or not, but it would take something special to hold my attention for a while?.I bet it feels great though. I may very well be missing out on something good, but I do enjoy the rush.
"People say they love truth, but in reality they want to believe that which they love is true."
- Robert J. Ringer.

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us"
- Virginia Satir
0

#12 User is offline   ONEEOD Icon

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 335
  • Joined: 11-February 06
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Staten Island, NY
  • Interests:Dom and Top Too (oh ya, that is another AOL screen name I have). Beaches at sunset, long walks, picnics, window shopping, dancing, racy romance novels and having my hair done. NOT!! I like tools, bottoms and reactions, not necessarily in that order.

Posted 27 December 2006 - 10:47 AM

The one safety note I will add here is that if you know you are experiencing sub or Top space you give your body sufficient time to "come down" before attempting anything dangerous or that requires good reflexes.

I am going to add a little story that helps illustrate:

She was involved in a couple of scenes back to back, rested for a few minutes and seemed fine, had some soda or juice but realized she was late and had to run. She left the house here to go home (on the same island) and called a few minutes later on her cell phone that she was in Brooklyn and wasn't sure where she was supposed to be going.

Bob
"Seek and ye shall find"
0

#13 User is offline   Gigi Icon

  • Active Contibutor
  • PipPip
  • Group: Members
  • Posts: 9
  • Joined: 02-February 09

Posted 02 February 2009 - 01:44 PM

So I pose the general question: "How do others approach their prescene preparations? What puts you folks into that proper frame of mind to play?

- I think for us, partly it depends on 1. how long its been since we were together last, and how tense we are. also 2. How we feel physically that day. Meaning if there's a lot going on in our lives or we've been apart for a month, it takes longer to just drop into that headspace. i do think both Domme and sub have a headspace.
Anyway, IF we are ready for it, One gesture (a hair pull) or a phrase will put my boy in his space and he'll start that gasping for breath thing.
So it really depends on a lot of factors. Ultimately I think it has to do with your level of comfort/trust with that person just like in Vanilla world.
0

#14 User is offline   MasterDale Icon

  • Administrator
  • PipPipPip
  • Group: Admin
  • Posts: 2,407
  • Joined: 13-August 03

Posted 02 February 2009 - 07:51 PM

I am firm believe in foreplay. BDSM kind of foreplay. I will often take half an hour or more preparing for play with my play partner watching me caress and lay out my toys. It is intended to look like the toys are the objects of my desire,,,and the sub/bottom is just the excuse to use them. It invokes something in the people I play with,,,,something delicious. And that means both of us are in a better head space for the scene.

M. Dale
Be careful of what you wish for....Posted Image ....you just might get it.
0

Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users