Master Dale's Lifestyle Community Bulletin Board: "vanilla" - Master Dale's Lifestyle Community Bulletin Board

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"vanilla"

#1 User is offline   leilou Icon

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Posted 06 May 2004 - 07:03 AM

I'm very curious...how did the term "vanilla" come about? I've been hearing so much of it and more often then not, it's used in a derogatory way....is it an insult? Or is it misused? Who came up with it? And why "vanilla"? Why not "coffee" or "cherry"...or whatever.
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#2 User is offline   cait Icon

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Posted 06 May 2004 - 08:38 AM

Interesting question lei!

I found the following definition in an on line encyclopedia:

Vanilla sex is a term that refers to standard or normal sex. Different cultures, subcultures and societies have different ideas about what constitutes vanilla sex, but generally it is taken to mean sex that does not involve any elements of bdsm, kink or fetish.
The term "vanilla" derives from the use of vanilla flavoring as the most popular flavoring, and by extension meaning 'plain' or 'conventional'.

I question their use of the term 'normal', but otherwise accept the above definition. In fact, the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), which defines currently recognized mental disorders, states that S/M only becomes a diagnosable dysfunction when: "the fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning."

As to when this term was first used, I haven't been able to find any documentation on that so far, but will keep looking, since you have me curious now.

I think some in the lifestyle do use the term in a derogatory manner, but to most I believe use it to differentiate between the type of sex the majority of people have and the type of sex involved in bdsm.

Now I gotta keep researching this! Thanks for making me think.


edited for typos because it's too darn early....goes for another coffee

This post has been edited by cait: 06 May 2004 - 08:46 AM

cait (WS_perfectangel)Posted Image

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#3 User is offline   Michael's jewel Icon

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Posted 08 May 2004 - 10:33 AM

Yes, leime, that is an excellent question! And great answer too, cait!

Years ago, i had a missive to write about just that...."Vanilla VS BDSM"!! i will have to dig it out and take a look at it again!

i strongly agree with the fact that it is usually used in a derogatory way or as an insult! And this has to be the one place that i see a HUGE chasm between online and realtime! Yes, it is definately heard coming out of the mouths of others, during munches, meetings and so forth, but nearly as often as it is online.

i dislike the term because it sets up this "us vs them" atmosphere. Then just as often as not, the ones using that term will eventually also use that other credo of BDSM is different for every person and every couple and every group!

Lately, i seem to be on this wave of wanting to share more and more and to discuss what i have learned, and hear from others......all that i can think of is this......How in the world can we, as a community, expect that those who run into that mentality then feel a sense of security and a zone of comfort to walk into a munch being that novice person~~
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#4 User is offline   Ginger Icon

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Posted 08 May 2004 - 03:13 PM

I can't answer the question of where it came from, but I think it's just easier than the more words of people who don't do what we do.

I don't mind the word as much as I get angry when people say "those people" can't really be enjoying their lives to the fullest. There are some in our community who believe our way is the only way. I know many people (some of whom know all about what I do) who are very satisfied with equality in their relatioships and their sex.


Ginger
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#5 User is offline   honeypenny Icon

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Posted 07 July 2004 - 03:03 PM

Interesting topic...although most use it in a derogatory manner, there is nothing wrong with it....Vanilla is what vanilla is...just as BDSM is BDSM...W/we all start out vanilla...it's the flavoring that makes us BDSM!! :P
If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities. ~~~Maya Angelou~~~
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#6 User is offline   leilou Icon

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Posted 20 July 2004 - 10:04 AM

Found an interesting bit on the term and thought I'd share it:
---------------
Vanilla sex

Vanilla sex is a term that refers to standard or normal sex. Different cultures, subcultures, and individuals have different ideas about what constitutes vanilla sex. Often it is interpreted as sex that does not involve such elements as BDSM, kink, or fetish activities.

Among homosexual men it sometimes implies that the activity is non-insertive (i.e. intercrural intercourse, manual stimulation, frottage etc.). Among heterosexual couples in the Western world, vanilla sex often refers to the missionary position.

The term 'vanilla' derives from the use of vanilla extract as the most popular flavoring for ice cream, and by extension meaning 'plain' or 'conventional'.

Neapolitan is a term proposed to describe the sex life of a person that enjoys "vanilla sex" as well as other "flavors" of sex, such as BDSM. This is presumably coined in reference to Neapolitan ice cream, which has layers of different colours, including a layer of vanilla flavour, rather than being a reference to the inhabitants of Naples.

Vanilla sex may also refer to white, or caucasian, tones of interest.

-----------------

hmm...gay people at times are referred to as fruits

and we are neapolitan??

gotta love labels :wacko:
"People say they love truth, but in reality they want to believe that which they love is true."
- Robert J. Ringer.

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us"
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#7 User is offline   Mustang Icon

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Posted 20 July 2004 - 12:10 PM

I have found myself perplexed wit the term "vanilla" in many conversions in the past. "vanilla" just what the heck does that mean in modern speech?

For me, I've begun to consider this on a more individual/personal level when the term comes up in conversation. Why? Well.. because one man's vanilla is another man's kink, and visa versa.

With this in mind, when I hear the word vanilla used, I deem it to mean, something common and repetitive in the speaker's realtiosnhip or life. When I hear "I just can't have a vanilla realtionship" or "this is too vaniila for me" in most cases when asked for more details it comes down to the need for more variety, intensity, and/or intimacy then what is currently being provided in the realtiosnhip. It seems that in my conversations and such, more times then not, "vanilla" equates to a "rut," or "the same old thing."

Personally, given' tat definition of "vanilla" I don't like it either... but misionnary sex? well... I love it. But it's just a part of the variety that I enjoy.

Mustang
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Posted 22 July 2004 - 10:20 AM

Vanilla seems like a good fit for me, when referring to No Frills traditional sexual intercoarse. I tend to think of people who won't even go as far as Oral Sex Vanilla.

When you look at your traditional run of the mill ice cream, it's "Vanilla". If you want something a little more exciting you advance to "French Vanilla" or Strawberry or Chocalate. Then Advance to a Hot Fudge or ButterScotch Sundae.

So when you see people who won't go beyond the ordinary it seems only fitting to call them "Vanilla". Vanilla only seems derogatory if calling somone ordinary is derogatory.

It kind of reminds me of pizza when I was a kid. There only seemed to be 2 flavors: Plain (cheese) or Sausage. You could almost refer to a Plain pizza as "Vanilla" these days. Now that I'm and adult there are all kinds of "Alternative pizzas: Pepperoni, Hawain, Buffalo Chicken, etc.

Now when it comes to religion I'm starting to think of the Big 3 as Vanilla:
Jewish, Christian, Muslim.

I mean no disrespect to anyone, especailly since I'm a Unitarian Universalist, which is a religions that welcomes and values people of all faiths, family life styles, and sexual persuations. I was raised Catholic, but now I'm a UU involved in alternative religions such as Wicca, and Paganism. So naturally my former religion of Catholicism seems "Vanilla" now. :angeldevil:

-Dennis
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#9 User is offline   SubtleDom Icon

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Posted 22 July 2004 - 03:31 PM

SOoooooooo?
W/we can base it all off of vanilla icecream
neopolatin being a lil more adventurous and so on .....

If so......
I must be neopoliton frozen Yogurt ..with Hard pieces of caramel and chocolate
and a twist of strawberry with strips of licorice (representing leather binds)

Hmmm????? Now instead of horny I'm hungry B)
CONFIDENCE is like a river..It doesn't have any doubt - it is sure to get where it is going, and it doesn't want to go anywhere else
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#10 User is offline   honeypenny Icon

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Posted 23 July 2004 - 09:59 AM

*looks at SubtleDom*....gives a loooooooooooooooong lick.......a gentle nibble.........and a bite.....Then this girl offers up her wrists....grinning!! :P
If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities. ~~~Maya Angelou~~~
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#11 User is offline   dolly Icon

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Posted 12 August 2004 - 06:30 PM

laughs a lot...................................


apologises in avance for this one F/folks but the only thing entering this lil dolly brain right now is that I'm a




MINT CHOC CHIP


sorry it's late though and the insight is gone lol.





purrs to penny good likkkk grl


xx
The mind like a parachute , futile if not open.
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#12 User is offline   masterofthedoll Icon

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Posted 13 August 2004 - 05:26 AM

:good: to continue on the ice cream topic,

I just love the way mint choc chip melts on my tounge,

HW.
We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty, some
are dull, some have weird names, and
all are different colors but they all
have to

learn to live in the same box.
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#13 User is offline   SubtleDom Icon

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Posted 13 August 2004 - 07:49 PM

Whispers to MasterOfThedoll....

I know a better place for it to melt
before it touches your tongue. ;)
CONFIDENCE is like a river..It doesn't have any doubt - it is sure to get where it is going, and it doesn't want to go anywhere else
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#14 User is offline   peechains Icon

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Posted 25 March 2005 - 07:04 PM

I was in one of my down moods when I first got on here and started reading lifestyle histories but I'm not down anymore :rofl2: :wave: Thanks a million!
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#15 User is offline   Michael Icon

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Posted 26 March 2005 - 09:34 AM

for me it is not the word, but the usage and how you take it. No one can upset you unless you let them.

Being from new england and living in the south I hear 'yankee' used often in a derogatory sense. when someone calls me a yankee, I say thank you, proudly.

As for vanilla, when used as a put down, I feel more for the person saying it then the intended target. I find it odd that people can talk about this lifestyle as being open to different ideas, want others to accept their particuliar differences and then slam people for not being into kink (or at least not openly). The word itself is not harmful to people but the way it is used can be.

Michael

and make mine 'Rocky Road' and the more nuts the better.
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